I know it's okay to relax and you have to do things you enjoy some of the time in order to not go insane with stress, but it feels like that's all I've been doing lately. My best friend tells me that it's all part of my delusions and that I am working hard, but I don't think so. It's not the same. Sure I usually think I'm going to fail and then end up doing well, but then I get hammered for it later. 'I told you!' Right...because I like thinking I'm going to fail. I like thinking that my career may be over before it even started.
The only thing worse is all the faith people seem to put in me. 'You always do fine.' So what if that doesn't happen this time? That one phrase seems to strip my identity right out from under me. If I don't succeed it's like I'm not who I am anymore. Not that I blame anybody for trying to make me feel better. At least I know they care.
On a lighter note, I did enjoy the few hours off I did get. I actually found a Garfield box set for 20 bucks! I used to watch it religiously when I was a kid, and I still get the day-by-day calendar every year. It's like I'm five again when I watch that stuff, and that always makes me feel LOADS better than anything else. I know it's not healthy to dwell on the past, but honesly nothing makes you forget a bad intergral problem like ghost pirates!